kali ma



Today I am angry and resistant. And this is not the only day I have felt like this.

My anger feels like I am channeling Kali Ma, Hindu Goddess of Death. Creator and Destroyer. Burner of all that must go so that life can give birth to life.

I feel a rising tidal wave of inner fire, a fierce feminine heat that can no longer be tamed or suppressed. It feels like a burning furnace coursing through my body and pumping from my surging heart making my head hot and my breath short.

I’m angry in ways I can and can’t express.

My anger is external, projected at the state of the world. I want to throw a raging fireball at ignorance. I am angry at broken systems and unjust industries. I am angry at individual and collective power structures that separate and divide. I am angry at profit-hungry corporations, at power, greed, and control. I am angry that the world needs healing and I don't know what to do.

My anger is internal. After eight years, I thought I had done so much work only to feel I am walking through emotional landmines. Every trigger that erupts is a teacher showing me that the roots of my childhood tendencies are unresolved and that there is so much more work to do. I am angry for not being perfect. I am angry that I still struggle with self-acceptance and surrender. I am angry that I am not in control.

I am angry in so many ways that I don’t understand.

They say under great anger is often deep sadness.

I am sad that societal conditioning makes us feel separate. I am sad that believing in world peace makes me feel like a fool. I am sad that so many of us can't see how worthy we are of love.

I want to burn away the world's inner and outer suffering.
I want to reclaim my anger in a way that is healthy and powerful.
I want to see others free to express their range of emotions too.
I want to unlock the potential and creativity within anger and use it as fuel to propel universal love forward.

I want to develop an intimate and close relationship with my anger.

I want to dance with fire. To accept it, not as something undesired but as something raw, naked, and beautiful.