When starting a new year, I don’t just choose an intention, I chose a teacher.
I ask, what is most important for my growth?
2016 was a “Year of Courage”, of finding the inner strength to make important changes.
2017 was “Year of Lotus", of creating spaciousness for inner transformation, illumination, and florescence (the process of bursting into a flower).
2018 whispered to me this morning during sunrise meditation that this is the “Year of Surrender”.
A wise friend shared with me that humans have two major superpowers, the ability to identify with and the ability to surrender.
In the external world of measurement, I’ve become well-practiced at the superpower of identifying.
Since I was a little girl I loved playing dress up. I would dive into my dress up tubby to find my mother's old dresses, in one moment a flamenco dancer, another a Hawaiian wahini, and the next a business woman. To this day, the act of adornment is something I treasure, collecting items from around the world to express my creativity.
I've also worked since I was fifteen and have held twenty-four jobs. All vehicles for learning, growing, and discovering myself through the act of service. I've traveled through thirty-three countries, attended workshop after workshop and explored community after community. Even the consulting work I do in its essence is helping individuals and organizations do the "archeology" of identifying their hidden truths and then consciously bringing them to the light, creating and building from there.
If identifying comes easy to me, the other superpower of surrendering seems incredibly difficult to do and maybe that's because it doesn't require thinking, doing, or having, it's about being.
It feels like jumping off a cliff. A swan dive into the darkness. I haven't got a clue.
A friend shared that he believes we are all born enlightened and that our real work is about recovery, reconditioning, and regressing. A return journey to that sacred place.
What I've discovered about this process of surrendering is it's emotional, it comes like waves and includes a hell of a lot of letting go.
But through this process, I've also discovered that my emotional range is vast. In the past few weeks alone, I’ve experienced anger, resentment, frustration, irritation, defensiveness, rejection, confusion, joy, ecstasy, clarity, compassion, inner peace, and gratitude.
I’ve picked up many tools along the way to assist me in resolving these emotional triggers towards healing and repair but my sense is instead of addressing each one by one, I need to go to source.
So after eight years of conscious internal archeology, I’m surrendering what I've discovered so far.
Insight isn’t healing.
And though I've unearthed many things, it's time to drop the weapons, the tools, the ideas and identities and surrender myself to the mysterious ball pit of life.
With that, I've decided to spend the next two months or more at Hridaya Yoga & Meditation Center in Oaxaca, Mexico. A conscious community dedicated to returning to "Hridaya" the spiritual heart.
May I surrender to what's real. May I surrender to what's true.
Blessings on your journey's.