becoming

THE PAIN OF BECOMING: NO MUD. NO LOTUS.

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I’m struggling right now. Going through yet another stage of my evolutionary journey.

I believe in intentional #lifedesign and my life has been largely designed for a specific being who at a young age learned that in order to receive love she needed to “do great things”. As she grew, she continued to be rewarded for her performance. She developed leadership and communication skills and strived to be extraordinary. Unconsciously seeking attention and love by proving her worth. Her enoughness.

Over the last ten years that seeking has become a spiritual awakening and the last two years, an around the world adventure of the heart. On that journey, she discovered a very simple but powerful truth, that she was born worthy. Born enough. Just like water can’t be any wetter. She couldn’t be more worthy or more enough.

Imagine her surprise 🤷🏻‍♀️. The waves of impact on her unconscious tendencies 🌀. But while the insight is instantaneous, the deconditioning is a process.

The gravity is real. We live in a society that also tends to value doing > being. Striving + achieving > reflecting + becoming. Yang > yin. Outer work > inner work. The pursuit of power over the pursuit of love and peace.

While I am all for standing in our power and taking action and I recognize the over-commercialization of love and peace, I also see a dire need for REBALANCING.

From the inside out. Many of us call for world peace and transformation but that requires inner peace and transformation. We are always limited and unlimited by our consciousness. This is an inside job.

I see very clearly that I have a role in this change. I feel called to take part in teaching, creating, repairing, and healing. But for now, I’m working on me.

“No mud. No lotus” as Thich Naht Hanh famously said. Lotus flowers are known as symbols of transformation and rebirth because they grow in the mud and learn from the darkness. Slowly but surely, lotus’ use the mud as nutrients to grow and then they miraculously rise above the water, petal by petal, clean and pure. They are revered as one of the most spiritual flowers.

And while part of me feels stuck in the mud and afraid of the world. It is not my path to go hide in a cave, ashram or forest. Swami Yogananda says, “Walking away under the guise of renunciation or non-attachment is the easy path. It shows more spiritual fiber to live a Godly life in the jungle of civilization.” I chose to walk on the earth. With the people. In cities. In the world.

In my Mayan Dreamspell Chart this role is called, a Red Skywalker: the time/space traveller who can jump dimensions to assist in realizing heaven on Earth. They are angelic messengers connected to sky but who walk on Earth.

That said, my message to you is this, wherever you are on your soul’s quest, know that it’s ok. Trust that you are exactly where you need to be in pursuit of your true journey.

The world needs you, imperfect.

As you are.

And whatever needs to happen to support you in your evolution, it’s important. Make it a priority and know that you are guided and protected always.

Have faith divine friends 🙏🏽,

Mud&Lotus
#nomudnolotus #yearofdivinelove #healing #repair #selflove #souljourney

The Shadow Side of Living an Intentional Life

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The Shadow Side of Living an Intentional Life (for me) is this...🌓
- feeling exhausted from all your #innerwork
- seeing your unconscious tendencies for what they are
- owning your projections and stories
- taking radical responsibility for yourself, your feelings, your needs
- no more hiding or spiritual bypassing, being seen 🙈
- inviting in and sitting with all your emotions 🙇🏻‍♀️
- being honest, anxious, lonely, afraid, angry, frustrated, sad, empty
- losing your way and forgetting who you are
- working 3-10x as hard as those who took the prescribed path (not fact checked, just a feeling)
- not having enough time or energy for all the things, ever
- recognizing your limitations and that you're not in control
- constantly forgiving yourself for not being perfect
- being vulnerable, squishy, soft
- practicing love sometimes gracefully, sometimes not
- begging for mercy, surrendering to the One

The list goes on. I write this, not to create a sob story, whine or throw a pity party for myself 🥳 but rather to be real about what’s behind the mask. There’s always more to the story than what we see on social media or even when we meet face to face.

One spiritual teacher said, “if people really knew what the path of truth entailed, they wouldn’t do it”. Because it’s not all roses 🌹, there’s hella thorns. Ego death is a painful process and anyway, for me, it seems to just reassert itself and dress up in new clothes 👗👘👖. And yet as my past love said, “it’s a one way ticket to wholeness, we can take pauses along the way but this is it.”

In Buddhism, dukkha (suffering) is seen as a fundamental part of the monotony of life, it's a given, and yet I also want to paint a full picture and give it up to the great nectar of life 🍑, Divine Love 💗 in all its sweetness. Sometimes it’s hard to see but it’s always there in everything, our pain is our medicine, our triggers are our teachers, our conflicts are our healing. We are complete.

So here I am, human and divine, visible and invisible, beauty and beast, in all my imperfection, all my flaws...trying to make sense of this thing called life 🤷🏻‍♀️.

People say I’m wise but I’m not sure I have a clue...I just keep walking until I come to love my light and my shadow, my mud and my lotus, until perhaps there is no me at all 🌑.

Much love + respect for y’all on the path ✊🏽. It ain’t always easy to live in #truth #yearofdivinelove #shadow #realness #itwasalladream

Lotus

BE VIGILANT WITH YOUR VIBRATION

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Be Vigilant with Your Vibration 🙏🏽.


The latest pearl of wisdom 🐚 that Soul Sister, Goddess, and Guide, SheShe 💃🏽 shared with me, “You must be vigilant with your vibration”. As women we are taught to “be nice” and “play well with others” and while generally I am and I do, I also believe in setting clear boundaries. It’s something I’ve needed to learn over time and I’m still learning.

The more aware I become, the more I see the lack of consent in our culture. Not just when it gets physical #metoo but as women and human beings we often allow too many things to happen that we didn’t ask for or consent to.

I’m all about learning to let go and not sweat the small stuff but that small stuff adds up. Hurt people hurt people and blessed people bless people. Now we’ve all been hurt and have received blessings too. It’s neither fixed nor a label, but we need to be radically responsible for ourselves, our bodies, our emotions, our needs, and our energy.

We also need practical tools for healing. My practice is forgiveness work. I’ve been doing it for 10 years. It’s a universal tool that works wonders and I’ll be using it the rest of my life. Forgiveness work isn’t just for someone else, it’s for you to clean house & clear internally. That followed by blessings and gratitude turns a contraction into a gift and hurt into healing 💞. Full circle. Alchemy.

People often think I’m so positive and happy but yo I’m hella sensitive and I have my fair share of negativity to work through. Sometimes this inner work feels like sucking poison out of your heart or womb...like pricking your finger with a rose thorn. It hurts 🥀.

So as Shereen shared, be vigilant with your vibration. Do the work to take care of you. And when all else fails, rather than be hard, be soft on yourself. Be kind. Be true.

Love & blessings to all beings ✨.

With gratitude,

Lotus

#heroinesjourney #soulwisdom#sisterhood 👯‍♀️ #vigilance #vibration #forgiveness #selfcare #selflove#hurt #healing #blessings #boundaries#womyn #consent #gratitude#yearofdivinelove 🌹

WHO AM I?

I’ve been tripping about identity. 

All day, everyday, asking: Who Am I?

Constantly confused because I’m always changing. 

Constantly confusing others because I never stay the same.


Some people say, “You’re a walking contradiction” “You’re all over place”.

But I don’t mind, I say, “Life is a contradiction and I AM all over the place.”


I can’t chose one form. It’s against my nature to be rigid, fixed, set in stone.


Until this morning! I was struck by the realization that God, Spirit, Source, the Universe in its infinitely abundant  creativity has no forms and all forms at once. 


So instead of getting stuck on the form. Be committed to the formless and your forms are unlimited. 


If today I chant to Guru Ram Das, tomorrow the Lotus Sutra, and the next day Ramana Maharishi, what does it matter?


It rises and falls, begins and ends from the same place. There is more than one path to nirvana. More than one way to practice love.

Today I dance, tomorrow I sing, the next I sit in stillness. 

I come into this project, that project. This client, that client.

But it becomes crystal clear when I see that my only client is God.

This role. That role. 

My only role is to be in service. Present in every moment. 

This house. That house.

My only home is the heart.


This country. That country.

I come from one source, the source of existence. Home.


No more worrying, Am I this? Am I that?  

Only I AM. I AM THAT I AM.

It’s as simple and complicated as that.

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