#yearofsurrender

2 YEAR TRAVEL ANNIVERSARY

<3.jpg

Today is my 2 year Travel Anniversary 🙌🏽

730 days ago, I packed my bags, put my stuff in storage, and left the life I knew for some unknown but remarkable life.

There were many things that led to this choice but there’s only ever one choice, to follow your conditioning or your own true heart.

The poet Boris Pasternak once said, “When a great moment knocks on the door of your life, it is often no louder than the beating of your heart, and it is very easy to miss.”

This knock came loudly and softly all at once. Through people, places, signs, feelings, whispers, shouts, all pointing to the moon. After so many unmistakable knocks, I finally answered my soul’s call.

On the outside, it looks like one big adventure. An around the world traveler, digital nomad, modern day gypsy and that is true. But that’s only about 10% of the story.

1.jpg

The Hero’s Journey within a Heroine’s Journey. An Adventure of a Lifetime within a Greater Quest for Healing, Wholeness, and Truth.

To know myself. To trust myself. To love myself.

As I am, completely.

Bruce Lee says, “to know yourself takes a lifetime.”

I would add, “to love yourself takes a lifetime.”

Who knew in my quest to love myself, I would fall in love with God.

And in doing so, I would discover there is no difference. Our essence is the same. Our essential nature is love.

2.jpg

What is God? What is Love?

God is the name we give to the Nameless. God is the invisible that loves the visible. God is the formless that manifests in all forms.

God is Love and Love is God.

You may call it the Universe, Life, Truth, Karma, the Mystery, Spirit, the Divine, Atman, anything you like. Or maybe nothing at all. It doesn’t matter. It is eternal, everlasting, omnipresent whether we acknowledge it or not.

Above thoughts and feelings, goals and ambitions, ego and personality, values and beliefs, there is something stronger and that is faith.

3.jpg

Faith moves mountains. Faith makes miracles. Faith leads you beyond possible.

And I don’t just believe this to be true, I know it in my heart from direct experience as the single truth.

That there is a source that which all life is a stage. There is a background of stillness from which all beings sing. As humans, we experience this phenomena through our senses, the sound of birds chirping, the crashing of waves, and most of all in silence. Such a divine gift.

And after experiencing sensory experience after experience, staying in over 150 places and 10 countries, I see there is one thread that weaves together all of existence. Upon this realization, I slow down, sit still, stop fighting, and find a place to rest my head.

On God’s pillow 🙂

I feel myself opening in a deep surrender, finally coming home to myself. To my heart. To my own true nature.

And once you taste this honey, this freedom radiating from your heart, you never go back!

So THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for this journey.

These two years on the road less traveled. This opportunity to fly fly fly! And thank you to the catalysts who made it possible Vickie Lau for bringing me to Thailand and Vietnam, Daniel Mullerworth for loving me and sharing this adventure of the heart, Max Mendoza for believing in me, Troy Swanson for kicking my ass out the door, my family for their unconditional love, trust and support Audrey Huie de MondetJustin WongLauren A. Wong...and many many many more...thank you!!!

“Love says. 'I am everything'. Wisdoms says, 'I am nothing'. Between the two my life flows.” ~ Nisargadatta Maharaj

With love,

Kelsey Lotus Wong

WHO AM I?

I’ve been tripping about identity. 

All day, everyday, asking: Who Am I?

Constantly confused because I’m always changing. 

Constantly confusing others because I never stay the same.


Some people say, “You’re a walking contradiction” “You’re all over place”.

But I don’t mind, I say, “Life is a contradiction and I AM all over the place.”


I can’t chose one form. It’s against my nature to be rigid, fixed, set in stone.


Until this morning! I was struck by the realization that God, Spirit, Source, the Universe in its infinitely abundant  creativity has no forms and all forms at once. 


So instead of getting stuck on the form. Be committed to the formless and your forms are unlimited. 


If today I chant to Guru Ram Das, tomorrow the Lotus Sutra, and the next day Ramana Maharishi, what does it matter?


It rises and falls, begins and ends from the same place. There is more than one path to nirvana. More than one way to practice love.

Today I dance, tomorrow I sing, the next I sit in stillness. 

I come into this project, that project. This client, that client.

But it becomes crystal clear when I see that my only client is God.

This role. That role. 

My only role is to be in service. Present in every moment. 

This house. That house.

My only home is the heart.


This country. That country.

I come from one source, the source of existence. Home.


No more worrying, Am I this? Am I that?  

Only I AM. I AM THAT I AM.

It’s as simple and complicated as that.

IMG_5658.JPG

I AM AS I AM

IMG_2185.JPG

I AM AS I AM.

Six years ago, I was gifted the name “Lotus” 🌸by a past love . He was my reason for going to Burning Man 🔥 and in that magical desert I found Lotus for myself. 

Lotus is a Heroine, an Adventuress, a symbol of rebirth and transformation I had never seen before. Living into her name and spirit helped me expand, deepen and open a wild world of magic, wonder, and possibility I hadn’t seen before 🌈🔮📿. I felt the unlimited love flowing through her veins. She set my soul on fire. We joined forces. We became one.🌛🦋🌜

But in becoming her, I began to deny me. I didn’t like the name “Kelsey”, I didn’t appreciate who I was, where I came from, nothing was good enough, I wanted and expected more. I feared being ordinary and became greedy thinking I had to be better. Traveling across the world searching for more.

IMG_2186.JPG

Today, through working with my coach, I revealed the truth. I saw the delusion I’ve been living in. The mind’s projection, a duality and unacceptance of self. My coach said, “I understand you want to grow but I don’t understand what was so wrong with who you were?”

And while everything in my path has been meaningful, beautiful, and I have no regrets. I see that in my urgent quest for reinvention and rebirth, I lost who I am.

So rather than striving for perfection I am choosing acceptance and realness. To accept myself for who I am as I am in this moment now. Who am I? I am that I am. I am free flowing universal love. What I wear, where I live, what I do, that will all change but love, love is eternal. Love is totality. Love has no bounds. Love is the present moment. Love is being happy, healthy, and fully alive. Love is all embracing, all encompassing, all loving no matter what.

So today, I ask the Divine for forgiveness for denying the perfection of its creation. I forgive myself for expecting more and loving less. And I accept my ordinary extraordinary ness as it is. I am as I am. And I’m happy with that. 😊🙃

May you be at peace and ENJOY🐛YOUR 🦋SELF exactly as you are. Perfectly imperfect, it’s all okay.

With light, love, and liberation,

Kelsey 🌸 Wong

Photography skills: Jamen Percy

IMG_2188.JPG

SWAN DIVE. HEART FIRST.

“We are of the same drop. A multitude of droplets made into the whole.” As channeled by Anne Koller as part of&nbsp; Follow the Water  | Captured by Zanette Johnson

“We are of the same drop. A multitude of droplets made into the whole.” As channeled by Anne Koller as part of Follow the Water | Captured by Zanette Johnson

I find myself at another turning point, completing another cycle of letting go. 

On the outside, it looks like one big adventure but that’s only the tip of the iceberg. 

There is far more beneath the surface. There are tidal waves in these waters. It’s emotional. 

I’ve spent the last year “Completing the Hero’s Journey” (<-- see blog post), answering the call to adventure and charging into the unknown. Over the course of the last month and a half, I've been making the return journey down memory lane in a live-in van to see the people and places I’ve called home. 

And as this sun sets, another sun rises on the next stage called the Heroine’s Journey (<-- not the same as a female Hero's Journey, read Maureen Murdock's article). It is here that I take the plunge, diving deeper into my inner chambers and subconscious on a quest for healing and wholeness. 

As I take steps into this new realm I often feel clumsy, messy, unruly, flawed, and unacceptable. Combine this with full-time travel, balancing work and relationships and all of a sudden you unearth trigger after trigger. Connected to a host of untrue stories, hidden insecurities, fears, and worries. 

I have insecurities about the "imperfections" of my body, the frenetic tendencies of my mind, the restlessness of my spirit, and the sensitive unpredictability of my heart.

I fear I am an imposter. I fear that I don’t know what I’m doing. I fear that I can’t take care of myself. 

I worry I’m too much. I worry I’m not good enough. I worry I’m not worthy of love.

At the temple at Burning Man this year I read one message I hope to never forget. It was a tribute to an amazing man named Robert. On the back of his memorial program, it said,  “Thank you to Robert who taught me that fear is just a lack of faith and worry is a misuse of imagination.”

Such a good reminder to get out of my head and return to the heart. Still, sometimes I feel completely mad like I am on the brink of schizophrenia.  

One recent discovery that has provided support was found on a hypnojourney (small group healing hypnosis experience, a bit of a mix between meditation and visualization, which I plan to write about in full soon!). The theme of the hypnojourney was "Tending the Inner Garden" where we were led on an inner voyage to discover our Creative Muse.

As we were guided into our inner gardens, we were led by our spirit guides (mine is a Cheetah) to meet our potential muses. The first one I met was a blossoming flowering Earth Goddess. I was ecstatic to meet her and was certain she was my muse! She embodied my ideal vision of a Creatrix with all of her colorful, flowing vibrancy and fertility. In the hypnojourney we were asked to send light from our hearts to the being and if the light was returned then they were our muse. 

As I beamed my light to her with immense joy, she did not beam back. 

I waited and waited to see if it was really true.

Nothing.

Disappointed and confused, I finally accepted that perhaps she and I might have a different relationship but that she was not my Creative Muse. I carried on and after a while, my spirit guide brought me to a dark forest.

In the forest I saw a lake surrounded by lush trees. It was a bit spooky. But then I saw a Swan gliding silently beneath the luminescence of the moon. This is when I truly became hypnotized, I watched as the Swan glided effortless with ease and grace in an infinity-shaped loop.

swan.jpg

My next reaction after seeing this exquisite creature was, she’s not my muse. She’s too elegant and I’m too messy. It can’t be her. I tried to leave and move on to another area but she kept presenting herself in my consciousness. Enchanting me.

As the hypnotherapist had instructed, I sent a light beam from my heart to her and to my surprise, she received it. What she did next astonished me. She responded by beaming her light and creating a golden orb beneath the water that radiated into ripples. 

From there, we were encouraged to offer our muse a gift. I thought what can I possibly give a swan? The hypnotherapist said, "Whatever it is that comes to you first, go with it." So I offered her an eternal rose. When she accepted the rose it was enveloped by her white feathers and left a trail of rose petals behind as she glided.

She offered me a gift in return, a thin golden vile with an elixir to transcend time (WOW).

The last thing I heard before I woke from the hypnojourney were two words, “Swan Dive”. 

I didn’t know what a Swan Dive was so after waking I asked my friend Harper who said, “A swan dive is standing on the edge and leaping into the darkness.”

And that’s exactly how this next stage feels. 

Follow the Water  presents "H2Flow: A Sunset Water Dance" | Captured by Zanette Johnson

Follow the Water presents "H2Flow: A Sunset Water Dance" | Captured by Zanette Johnson

The journey continues! The very next day, I attended "H2Flow: A Sunset Water Dance" at Alameda Beach where these photos were taken. Together, we sat in a circle and offered our intention and prayer. When it was my turn I offered my surrender with the intention of a "Swan Dive Into the Darkness". After we danced, a soul sister and one of the hosts of the evening, Anne said, “Lotus are you ready for your Swan Dive?” 

Hand in hand, step-by-step we journeyed into the cold ocean water towards the setting sun. This moment was overwhelming, I was brimming with joy and tears. 

Letting go is a mostly difficult and very necessary thing to do. That evening I saw how Mother Earth so graciously let's go of the sun. With love trusting that it will return the next day. 

And so I must summon my willpower to surrender too. 

It's going to be a windy journey with plenty of up's and downs. But I'm no longer running and hiding, I’m ready to go all in.

Swan Dive. Heart First. 

xx,
Lotus

P.S. Join Follow the Water for more "H2Flow: Sunset Water Dance" in Alameda, California. If you're curious to learn more about Healing Hypnosis or want to schedule a virtual hypnosis session, email me hi@kelseykwong.com and I'll put you in touch. 

Follow the Water  presents "H2Flow: A Sunset Water Dance" | Captured by Zanette Johnson

Follow the Water presents "H2Flow: A Sunset Water Dance" | Captured by Zanette Johnson

2018 INTENTION: YEAR OF SURRENDER

IMG_8443.jpg

When starting a new year, I don’t just choose an intention, I chose a teacher.

I ask, what is most important for my growth?

2016 was a “Year of Courage”, of finding the inner strength to make important changes.

2017 was “Year of Lotus", of creating spaciousness for inner transformation, illumination, and florescence (the process of bursting into a flower).

2018 whispered to me this morning during sunrise meditation that this is the “Year of Surrender”.

A wise friend shared with me that humans have two major superpowers, the ability to identify with and the ability to surrender. 

In the external world of measurement, I’ve become well-practiced at the superpower of identifying. 

Since I was a little girl I loved playing dress up. I would dive into my dress up tubby to find my mother's old dresses, in one moment a flamenco dancer, another a Hawaiian wahini, and the next a business woman. To this day, the act of adornment is something I treasure, collecting items from around the world to express my creativity.

I've also worked since I was fifteen and have held twenty-four jobs. All vehicles for learning, growing, and discovering myself through the act of service. I've traveled through thirty-three countries, attended workshop after workshop and explored community after community. Even the consulting work I do in its essence is helping individuals and organizations do the "archeology" of identifying their hidden truths and then consciously bringing them to the light, creating and building from there. 

If identifying comes easy to me, the other superpower of surrendering seems incredibly difficult to do and maybe that's because it doesn't require thinking, doing, or having, it's about being.

It feels like jumping off a cliff. A swan dive into the darkness. I haven't got a clue.

A friend shared that he believes we are all born enlightened and that our real work is about recovery, reconditioning, and regressing. A return journey to that sacred place.

What I've discovered about this process of surrendering is it's emotional, it comes like waves and includes a hell of a lot of letting go.

But through this process, I've also discovered that my emotional range is vast. In the past few weeks alone, I’ve experienced anger, resentment, frustration, irritation, defensiveness, rejection, confusion, joy, ecstasy, clarity, compassion, inner peace, and gratitude.

I’ve picked up many tools along the way to assist me in resolving these emotional triggers towards healing and repair but my sense is instead of addressing each one by one, I need to go to source.

So after eight years of conscious internal archeology, I’m surrendering what I've discovered so far.

Insight isn’t healing. 

And though I've unearthed many things, it's time to drop the weapons, the tools, the ideas and identities and surrender myself to the mysterious ball pit of life. 

With that, I've decided to spend the next two months or more at Hridaya Yoga & Meditation Center in Oaxaca, Mexico. A conscious community dedicated to returning to "Hridaya" the spiritual heart. 

May I surrender to what's real. May I surrender to what's true. 

Blessings on your journey's.

Lotus

IMG_8445.jpg

WHAT CAN WE LEARN FROM SILENCE?

I have a lot to learn about life.

I think I know some things but the truth is I’m only touching the surface.

The world is vast.

They say God speaks in silence and everything else is a poor translation.

So I wonder, what can we learn from silence?

I suspect many things. In society, if you don’t have a voice you are considered weak. At an early age, our very survival depends on our ability to cry out.

Silence can also be dangerous. People and the planet suffering in silence. Many of us who notice look away because we don’t know what to do or too afraid to act on what we know. 

For a long time, I’ve found strength in having a voice. I found that my voice is what got me through countless life situations and provided a direct channel to my heart. Over the last several years my channels have opened to receive messages from my higher self, guardian angels, and Source itself.

I have given these energies a voice.

But I’ve also had times of forced silence where I’ve lost my voice. At first, it was difficult and felt like a punishment. Partly because of societal conditions and partly because time out or being grounded was the preferred method of punishment growing up.

But then I found peace in silence. I found the world opened to me in an entirely new way. I felt so relieved to not have to talk. I felt like people who were willing to engage with me understood me in a whole new way. The three or four times this has happened have been some of the most revelatory experiences of my life.

My dad always said the only thing that will get you in trouble is your mouth. And I get that, I overpromise and under deliver, I commit to things I know are unlikely for me to live up to. Why do I do this to myself and others?

Simply put, I’m afraid. Afraid that if I don’t I won’t be lovable or good enough. I make the same mistake over and over that other people’s happiness is dependent on me. That their state of being is contingent on me. The truth is it isn’t. But I do have a responsibility to be in integrity with my word. Every time I don’t keep my word it means less and less which makes me try more and more but I’ve set myself up for failure.

My word is my wand. My voice is my truth. It has an impact in many ways I’ll never fully know. So perhaps it’s time to think before I speak. To choose silence and wisdom over the need to control conversations and be liked. 

Time to try a new way.

So let's begin with silence.