#heroinesjourney

FIRST DAY OF THE REST OF MY LIFE

WRITTEN FOUR YEARS AGO  on May 26, 2015

"Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

I was reminded that everyday is a choice. There are two fundamental approaches to take: one of love, abundance, and "I can", and the other of fear, scarcity and "I can't". Nine times out of ten I choose the former.

Last night, I got caught in the latter. Questioning my purpose, my work, my identity. Socrates said, "Question your most precious beliefs." And John Woodens says “it’s what you learn after [you think] you know it all that counts.”

The thing about me is, when I am very clear on my direction, I am hellbent on making it happen. I am unstoppable. Philosophically I embrace change, spiritually I embrace life as a universe of possibility, and those beliefs create my reality.

But I have doubts too. I have internal monkey mind chatter. I worry. I complain. I can be uncertain and unclear.

Up until now, my lowest lows have come from moments where I have felt directionless. It usually happens just before I take that next leap. I'm seeing now that when you leap there's that hang time- in that moment you feel both fundamental emotions: love AND fear. That must be what I'm experiencing now.

I am one day over the one year mark of pursuing my dream to live in the Bay Area. I've become clear that there's no going back. It's one month over the one year mark of another dream: to do work that I love and be paid to be myself at Delivering Happiness. I am now working on the one project I have wanted to work on since I started - to activate our community and reimagine the movement. There's no going back.

As I cross the chasm between my current reality to the next, I also see that there is room for new dreams and a next level vision. I have exited the kiddy pool of adolescence and am swimming through an ocean of self-realization. Soon I will be at the point where I am not just reaching for my potential but realizing it.

What will I do with my life then? Who will I serve? How will I serve? What will I be hellbent on making happen?

Oprah said one of the best compliments she ever received when she was coming up as a news anchor and then talk show host was, "You haven't changed, you've just become more of yourself".

I hope years from now, I will be courageous, bold, and inspirational. A beacon of beauty, truth, and vision. And a soul that keeps swimming."

#yearofdivinelove

Photography: John Harris JJTechboogie Media


ODE TO OAKLAND

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THERE’S NO PLACE LIKE HOME...ODE TO OAKLAND.

After 2.5 years on the road less traveled, this free bird is ready to rest her wings. I've been in deep prayer for a sacred space, a sanctuary to come home to and those prayers have been answered!!!

It's a freaking MIRACLE. I'm OVERJOYED, GRATEFUL, BLESSED to have met Darrell Jones III, a fellow seeker on the path, and to be moving into his ZenDen Sanctuary in Oakland while he continues to journey.

What a cathartic moment. After all my seeking, exploring 10 countries, staying in over 150 places, I don’t need to travel anymore (though I still will some!) because I found the place I was looking for…home.

Coming back, I now know that home isn’t a single physical space, it’s an eternal place in the heart. The bridge between worlds - the cathedral of the soul.

And over the past two years, I’ve been going through a purification process which has been fucking bruta-ful (beautiful + brutal) to say the least.

But no mud no lotus. No rose without thorn.

And now I am experiencing so much grace, feeling how good it is to finally come home ❤

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WHY OAKLAND, CALIFORNIA?

Why the Bay Area? It’s soooo expensive, isn’t it? Haha, well short answer, yes! But why?

Because people want to be here. Because despite it’s high cost of living and fast pace of life, people feel a deep sense of belonging.

Though it’s not perfect by any means, this is a place that celebrates difference. Though much of the culture is threatened by gentrification, displacement, and mental/emotional illness, it is also ripe with diversity, creativity, and vibrance.

Oakland is a place of progress that inspires me. It’s a place where people are marching daily. It's a place with soul.

And the symbolism of the 🌳 Mighty Oak 🌳 is no mistake. The Oak tree is one of the most beloved trees in the world, and with good reason. It's a symbol of strength, morale, resistance and knowledge. The oak is considered a cosmic storehouse of wisdom embodied in its towering strength.

With that, I got a 2 bedroom spot in the heart of the city near Lake Merritt with LOTS OF SPACE. So come through! And if you live in the YAY AREA, expect an invite for a House Warming and future gatherings at the “ZenDen Lotus Pad” soon.

Beyond that, I would love to see you, reconnect with you and be a part of this community again.

Thank you for all of your support. It's so good to be home!

With gratitude,
Kelsey Lotus Wong

#cominghome #heroinesjourney #oakland #oaklandish #thatlakelife#yearofdivinelove

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POWER OF VOICE | FRANCE

Centre Artistique International ROY HART , Château de Malerargues

“We are not transforming. We are becoming more of who we truly are.” ~ ‎Alfred Wolfsohn, German Vocalizer

I am slowly coming off the acid trip, emotional rollercoaster, magical mysterious metamorphosis of a journey that is POWER OF VOICE at Centre Artistique International ROY HART with Midderigh Vox.

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What is Power of Voice? PoV is a leadership course of sorts that takes you into the deep unknown through the vehicle of voice.

For me, PoV has been exciting, terrifying, enlivening, exhausting, highly expressive, rejuvenating, fun and CHALLENGING all at the same time. A voyage of self-discovery that included: singing, storytelling, vocal exploration, voice coaching, theater improvisation, expanding of emotional range, somatic movement + embodiment practices and more!

Roy Hart Theater voice coaching!

Roy Hart Theater voice coaching!

Though the journey was intense, the scenery is revitalizing and inspiring. Set in a chateau amongst beautiful greenery and the rolling hills of southern France makes this an ideal setting to learn and grow.

What I find most fascinating about this place is its legendary origin story. In 1974, the Roy Hart Theatre was co-created by the blood, sweat and tears of 49 crazy souls from 15 countries who uprooted their lives to pursue an "IMPOSSIBLE DREAM”.

Some of the original founders of the Roy Hart Theater.

Some of the original founders of the Roy Hart Theater.

Their dream was to leave their day jobs and to live, work, and perform together full-time. After much searching, they were fortunate to find a chateau in ruin to rebuild and reform. They didn’t have much money so it took 25 years to pay off and even longer to put it together but today, the Roy Hart Theater has realized its dream and hosts workshops, courses, and performances throughout the year.

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Much loved by actors and artists for their unique method of voice coaching, the Roy Hart work is based on a history of more than 80 years of research, study and practice of the human voice without boundaries. The teachers have a special ability to help people to unlock the power in each person’s voice. Through this process of self-discovery people uncover more and more of not just their vocal range but of who they really are.

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And while I am still swimming in the echoes of this journey and soaking in the realization that I am a fully-flawed human being, I can say with absolute confidence that despite my resistance, kicking and screaming, I am glad I came.

Thank you to Siobhán McCann for bringing me here and for both your and Ivan Midderigh's guidance and energy. Though I knew very little up front, I am coming out with a renewed sense of self and a crystal clear recognition and respect for the Power of Voice.

Merci Beaucoup Mes Amies!

With love, 
Lotus

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Heart Hurts Today

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My heart hurts so much today.
For me. For others. For the world we live in.
I feel the weight of a lot of pain and suffering.
It’s hard to know what is mine, what is others, and what’s all of ours.

My ego wants to direct it towards someone or something and to get rid of it.
To point and shoot. To flush it out.
But my intuition tells me it’s something more, something beyond me.

Pain and suffering is part of being human. Our ability to feel is remarkable. But many of us hide our unpleasant emotions and do our best to hold it together when deep down we really just want to be honest, to be held, to let it all out.

Being back in a city, I am noticing how many daily interactions can feel shallow. How people are going about their business focused on themselves. Trying really hard to hustle, to make it, to survive. And who can blame them? The game ain’t easy!

I still Believe Life is beautiful. But I also see it can be hard. People are going through a lot. And it’s difficult to tell from the surface of things. Social media and half smiles mask the pain.

I guess what I’m saying is - what the hell is going on? Why is there space for light and not for shadow? Time and time again, stories of heroes, heroines, and the power of the human spirit show that it is our shadows that lead to our salvation, our suffering that leads to our freedom, our wholehearted realness that leads us back home.

Yet it’s easy to forget. It’s easy to get lost. It’s easy to feel alone.

So in this moment, my heart goes out to all those in pain, experiencing loss, working through grief, anger, frustration etc. Even if it’s just 1% sadness or suffering, that’s worth being acknowledged in my book.

I want you to know whether I know you deeply or not at all, whether we’ve spoken once or a million times...strangers, friends, family...I love you, I hear you, I feel you. My heart is your heart. Your story is my story. This is all temporary. We’ll get through this together.

Sending love, peace, compassion, and blessings...I see you 👁🙏🏽♥️.

#yearofdivinelove


I AM AS I AM

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I AM AS I AM.

Six years ago, I was gifted the name “Lotus” 🌸by a past love . He was my reason for going to Burning Man 🔥 and in that magical desert I found Lotus for myself. 

Lotus is a Heroine, an Adventuress, a symbol of rebirth and transformation I had never seen before. Living into her name and spirit helped me expand, deepen and open a wild world of magic, wonder, and possibility I hadn’t seen before 🌈🔮📿. I felt the unlimited love flowing through her veins. She set my soul on fire. We joined forces. We became one.🌛🦋🌜

But in becoming her, I began to deny me. I didn’t like the name “Kelsey”, I didn’t appreciate who I was, where I came from, nothing was good enough, I wanted and expected more. I feared being ordinary and became greedy thinking I had to be better. Traveling across the world searching for more.

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Today, through working with my coach, I revealed the truth. I saw the delusion I’ve been living in. The mind’s projection, a duality and unacceptance of self. My coach said, “I understand you want to grow but I don’t understand what was so wrong with who you were?”

And while everything in my path has been meaningful, beautiful, and I have no regrets. I see that in my urgent quest for reinvention and rebirth, I lost who I am.

So rather than striving for perfection I am choosing acceptance and realness. To accept myself for who I am as I am in this moment now. Who am I? I am that I am. I am free flowing universal love. What I wear, where I live, what I do, that will all change but love, love is eternal. Love is totality. Love has no bounds. Love is the present moment. Love is being happy, healthy, and fully alive. Love is all embracing, all encompassing, all loving no matter what.

So today, I ask the Divine for forgiveness for denying the perfection of its creation. I forgive myself for expecting more and loving less. And I accept my ordinary extraordinary ness as it is. I am as I am. And I’m happy with that. 😊🙃

May you be at peace and ENJOY🐛YOUR 🦋SELF exactly as you are. Perfectly imperfect, it’s all okay.

With light, love, and liberation,

Kelsey 🌸 Wong

Photography skills: Jamen Percy

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SWAN DIVE. HEART FIRST.

“We are of the same drop. A multitude of droplets made into the whole.” As channeled by Anne Koller as part of  Follow the Water  | Captured by Zanette Johnson

“We are of the same drop. A multitude of droplets made into the whole.” As channeled by Anne Koller as part of Follow the Water | Captured by Zanette Johnson

I find myself at another turning point, completing another cycle of letting go. 

On the outside, it looks like one big adventure but that’s only the tip of the iceberg. 

There is far more beneath the surface. There are tidal waves in these waters. It’s emotional. 

I’ve spent the last year “Completing the Hero’s Journey” (<-- see blog post), answering the call to adventure and charging into the unknown. Over the course of the last month and a half, I've been making the return journey down memory lane in a live-in van to see the people and places I’ve called home. 

And as this sun sets, another sun rises on the next stage called the Heroine’s Journey (<-- not the same as a female Hero's Journey, read Maureen Murdock's article). It is here that I take the plunge, diving deeper into my inner chambers and subconscious on a quest for healing and wholeness. 

As I take steps into this new realm I often feel clumsy, messy, unruly, flawed, and unacceptable. Combine this with full-time travel, balancing work and relationships and all of a sudden you unearth trigger after trigger. Connected to a host of untrue stories, hidden insecurities, fears, and worries. 

I have insecurities about the "imperfections" of my body, the frenetic tendencies of my mind, the restlessness of my spirit, and the sensitive unpredictability of my heart.

I fear I am an imposter. I fear that I don’t know what I’m doing. I fear that I can’t take care of myself. 

I worry I’m too much. I worry I’m not good enough. I worry I’m not worthy of love.

At the temple at Burning Man this year I read one message I hope to never forget. It was a tribute to an amazing man named Robert. On the back of his memorial program, it said,  “Thank you to Robert who taught me that fear is just a lack of faith and worry is a misuse of imagination.”

Such a good reminder to get out of my head and return to the heart. Still, sometimes I feel completely mad like I am on the brink of schizophrenia.  

One recent discovery that has provided support was found on a hypnojourney (small group healing hypnosis experience, a bit of a mix between meditation and visualization, which I plan to write about in full soon!). The theme of the hypnojourney was "Tending the Inner Garden" where we were led on an inner voyage to discover our Creative Muse.

As we were guided into our inner gardens, we were led by our spirit guides (mine is a Cheetah) to meet our potential muses. The first one I met was a blossoming flowering Earth Goddess. I was ecstatic to meet her and was certain she was my muse! She embodied my ideal vision of a Creatrix with all of her colorful, flowing vibrancy and fertility. In the hypnojourney we were asked to send light from our hearts to the being and if the light was returned then they were our muse. 

As I beamed my light to her with immense joy, she did not beam back. 

I waited and waited to see if it was really true.

Nothing.

Disappointed and confused, I finally accepted that perhaps she and I might have a different relationship but that she was not my Creative Muse. I carried on and after a while, my spirit guide brought me to a dark forest.

In the forest I saw a lake surrounded by lush trees. It was a bit spooky. But then I saw a Swan gliding silently beneath the luminescence of the moon. This is when I truly became hypnotized, I watched as the Swan glided effortless with ease and grace in an infinity-shaped loop.

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My next reaction after seeing this exquisite creature was, she’s not my muse. She’s too elegant and I’m too messy. It can’t be her. I tried to leave and move on to another area but she kept presenting herself in my consciousness. Enchanting me.

As the hypnotherapist had instructed, I sent a light beam from my heart to her and to my surprise, she received it. What she did next astonished me. She responded by beaming her light and creating a golden orb beneath the water that radiated into ripples. 

From there, we were encouraged to offer our muse a gift. I thought what can I possibly give a swan? The hypnotherapist said, "Whatever it is that comes to you first, go with it." So I offered her an eternal rose. When she accepted the rose it was enveloped by her white feathers and left a trail of rose petals behind as she glided.

She offered me a gift in return, a thin golden vile with an elixir to transcend time (WOW).

The last thing I heard before I woke from the hypnojourney were two words, “Swan Dive”. 

I didn’t know what a Swan Dive was so after waking I asked my friend Harper who said, “A swan dive is standing on the edge and leaping into the darkness.”

And that’s exactly how this next stage feels. 

Follow the Water  presents "H2Flow: A Sunset Water Dance" | Captured by Zanette Johnson

Follow the Water presents "H2Flow: A Sunset Water Dance" | Captured by Zanette Johnson

The journey continues! The very next day, I attended "H2Flow: A Sunset Water Dance" at Alameda Beach where these photos were taken. Together, we sat in a circle and offered our intention and prayer. When it was my turn I offered my surrender with the intention of a "Swan Dive Into the Darkness". After we danced, a soul sister and one of the hosts of the evening, Anne said, “Lotus are you ready for your Swan Dive?” 

Hand in hand, step-by-step we journeyed into the cold ocean water towards the setting sun. This moment was overwhelming, I was brimming with joy and tears. 

Letting go is a mostly difficult and very necessary thing to do. That evening I saw how Mother Earth so graciously let's go of the sun. With love trusting that it will return the next day. 

And so I must summon my willpower to surrender too. 

It's going to be a windy journey with plenty of up's and downs. But I'm no longer running and hiding, I’m ready to go all in.

Swan Dive. Heart First. 

xx,
Lotus

P.S. Join Follow the Water for more "H2Flow: Sunset Water Dance" in Alameda, California. If you're curious to learn more about Healing Hypnosis or want to schedule a virtual hypnosis session, email me hi@kelseykwong.com and I'll put you in touch. 

Follow the Water  presents "H2Flow: A Sunset Water Dance" | Captured by Zanette Johnson

Follow the Water presents "H2Flow: A Sunset Water Dance" | Captured by Zanette Johnson